Why do Indian parents force their kids to do stuff?
07.06.2025 16:24
.Respect - Being subserviant and submissive and sacrificial to xyz, letting xyz acess to all your phases and moments of life, being like a water to xyz that is formless , shapeless viz. Lacking individual identity and taking up the shape of xyz or reflecting image of xyz in them viz. Mimicking and mirroring xyz’s hobbies, insecurities, fears, dreams as it is and carrying the burden while having no sense of individual identity. And bowing down , showing self-inferiority to or being burdened like the Tree is burdened by weight of its fruits. and carrying burden of obligations , insecurities and expectations of xyz and extreme dependancy and hence loyalty towards xyz throughout walks of life. Eg. Total submission to parents and in laws and letting them decide all personal life events that occur in your lives, from the friends you should have and brand of shoe you should have to how many kids will you reproduce after your marriage. And also treating ‘XYZ’ in a pre-programmed society-stated manner, and not like how ‘XYZ’ individually personally finds comfortable or blessed. Eg. Opening car door for a woman, not letting women hold bags, or being measured and polite only around women who wear saree or shalwar kurti or such ‘Socially validated dresses’, not caring about what that woman exepcts lol. Desperately try to win xyz’s love.These all means showing ‘Respect’ to xyz in life.
Imperfection - Being different from societal fads and constructs, in sense of hobbies, actions, views , outlook of life, opinions, dressing, appearance, hairstyle, way of life, family structure, gender norms, reproduction, dreams, livelihood, movements, food, manners, speech,etc. Everyone is suddenly sending their daughters to kathak or bharatnatyam classes, so I will have to do same to my gurls to be in with ongoing trends, me sending my daughter to ‘break dance class’ or not even a dance class instead a tabla/guitar class would be seemingly ‘Imperfect’ act, because mob around them is not sending their girls to learn music, but only two options of traditional dances i.e. kathakk or bharatnatyam. 65 years ago, there may not exist any such dance classes at every corner of street, there may not be any trend of learning traditional dances as a norm, at that time couples would ridicule the daughters for having an interest in dance, saying are you . Muse, a whore, noble family daughters don’t dance okay ?, and suddejly when a ‘Societal fad’ comes to send daughters to pearn traditional dances that too only two forms of them kathak or bharatnatyam, everybody would send their little daughter to it and ‘Condition her to exvel anyhow’, to save nose, before their daughter could herself analyse whether this was her area of interest even or not. It’s not about what works or do not work for their daughter well, it is about what is done by herd or mob,they will want to do the same.
Perfection - “Never achieved’, cos their perfection means constantly trying to align each and every slightest attributes according to other people’s comments or based on insecurity or self- doubt of whether our actions are enough to please them or they will react to it badly ??? So they end up constantly trying to ‘Keep changing or altering actions’ and keep virtually worrying about how would others around ‘Received those actions’ in hope of desperately gaining validation , while never attaining some stable middle point where they could feel satisfied, cos people will never stop commenting or gossiping about them, and hemce they will never feel they (Parents who rely the definition of ‘Perfect’ as not being a topic of being gossipped by others or not getting a single judgement from people around )are ‘Doing well enough or are perfect’ and remain in a forever maze of self-opression
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Disrespect - Raising doubts, asking questions or questioning someobody’s ways back, suggesting ‘Different uncommon tricks’, showing suspicion to or having different opinions, thinking out of box,ridiculing one’s old manners, rebelling or ‘doing some step that is not ‘On page with xyz’ to reach a shared goal’ eg. The shared goal is overcoming child’s vitamin c deficiency , and the child likes oranges but parents have got a emotional superstition or insecurity that only lemons can cure deficiency faster, so the parent will superimpose their own superstitions ultimately and never negotiate with child plus make the child only eat lemons dismissing child’s beliefs or diet plans,. Having individual hobbies, having self-respect and not acting submissive and sacrificial, straigjtforward and having boundary, is disrespect to xyz.
They behave like this, because they are “Subconcnciuosly Habitual with only this way of communicating their needs, talking to somebody or behaving with others i.e. by thinking everybody is plotting against their wishes and that they need to be superior and overbear and hamper theur needs on others esoecially on children rather than negotiating them peacefully. Why they have got this habit, cos ‘Family heirarchies and society behaves the same way, which is why they never saw any other way of how to communicate,how to show or express love or maintain a bond like. When a married couple with children I.e. ‘Parents” in India try to overbearing or control or have coercive policing control on kid life, remember ! These parents or married couples are themselves hopelessly under somebody else’s control, the somebody else here are that parents’ parents, in laws, borther, sister, neighbor and many other people who police, oogle to point out mistakes of them and slut shame them for not being ‘Similar and tamed amd modest in society’ daily . Your parents mostly did not had autonomy to decide when to get married, freedom to meet a lover or romance or date a person to know own choices or compatibilities, whom to marry, even when they were betrothed with a person with their ‘One or two days of seeing/knowing each other being heavily monitored by control of elders’ you see even if they see each other’s faces on arranged meeting or meet after it till engagement, the meetings were heavily arranged, influenved or policed by their parents, and otger elders meaning they had no autonomy to have proper space to emotionally bond, understand each others boundaries, ask any question freely, or ‘Check’ what kind of unique styles of speaking , dating works well with each other, even after marriave how the relation between spouses shoulf be was heavily controlled and oogled or policed by all others , eg. What a Wife should call her husband like was not based on what she and her husband feels emotionally nice m romantic but other third party traditions dictated even such small small things that happen between spouses or a couple. Fun fact is when you are repeatedly bombarded with same kinda behaviour and ideology, you may protest in childhood , in youth, but at some point when workload increases but the load of ‘Overbearing people and society’s judgemental interference and traditions just remains the smae’, you tend to give up and accept it as a part of life somewhere secretly in your brain, that is what basically happened to your parents they accepted ‘Hampering their insecurities and opinions onto you the way their families and society did and still does to them’, finally giving in the want to be a thrill, chase dreams against monotonous traditions or try to be different. They got brainwahsed and conditioned to see things in lenses of their own forefathers and societal expectations, they started seeing emotions and emotion expressing thru lenses of society only, eg. Equaling Beating kids with showing love or concern to kid, slapping wife with disciplining and loving her, husband having to talk with a female office coworker while wife just outright shaming husbnad for it as she thinks every opp gender interaction in a affair angle, forcing kid to tell all things in their lives to parents leaving no concept such as personal space and equating kids wanting a private space to even listening songs as if they are doing something very immodest/unholy that they need to deliberately hide from parent, etc. They were never got their own space to think or ponder about these daily interactions of them on whether they really work for them or not or are useless, and yes they never dared to rethink these beliefs either ! Why ? When somebody tells you even in ur 20s not talk to anybody from classes on phone with door closed or force you into medical degree by telling you to bury your other career interest, you may feel violated or at least emotionally dissatisfied, incomplete amd hurt as a human being, then how come these parental gen tolerate all this and on top of it continue doing same to own child ?- This is beacuse they not oy gave up and accepted these behavioir subconciously but are internally afraud to exepriment something different, afraid to ‘Experiment within them and their family member’ on what works the best for them both, what is their situation , how to change ways that better suit them over society’s intetest, etc.And they are afraid cos they were over years brainwashed that their success or honor and goodness lies in behaving the same way and doing only those stuff or actions that majority in society or their particular community eg. Caste group, religions, ethnicity people are doing ,even within confinements of marriage, home and family relations not just in outside home .
How Indian people are conditioned by cultiral social structure to see following parameters ;
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A. Society trends : As a collectivist society as I told you, people define success as being similar to majority of society people and not standing out different by experimenting other ways. Society trends include, only engineer or doctors getting marriage matches n dowries n hence ‘Social status’ within society, everybody being betrothed in arranged marriages and dowries while love having no place in society and life cycle be like study, always bag A grade, grow up, become engineer or doctor or givernment jobsman, either earn or don’t earn with the help of ur degree title much depnding on ur gemder and family mentality, get fixed in engagement or betrothal with somebody officially as decuded by your parents, agree or say yes to parent-made match, get married as soon as you get betrothed , do ‘Confined less revealing missionary way’ consummation ritual only small amounts enough for impregnation ofc within months of new marriage with stranger spouse to fulfill duty of carrying surname, impregnate new bride or get pregnant as wife , have child, repeat copulation to give second child esp if first one was a girl child, treat your child in same way over. Force on sons to earn huge salaries with buying own house and car while force on daughters to earn lesser or least or leave job after maariage/baby and not buy any house nor car and never think of inheriting any property from father. Force on girls to dress up in a certain way, body language of certain way, live in a certain way, think and act in a certain confined way, dream in confinements, present themsleves in a certain way, talk in a certain way to express in a confined way, while same force on sons in differwnt standards.
C. Feeling of Superiority over children : Some people just prefer to hit, beat or verbally shame kids just by the virtue that they narcissistically think they are influential, superior , god like, invincible and absolute authority of kids, becaus ethye brought them on earthside, and this thought is conditioned in them becaus eof culture.
Caste based - eg. ‘A kid forced to like eating fry fish , only because they are born in a traditionally well known seafood eating caste so to mainyain self image during family get togethers, , even if kid does not like fish that much and kid shamed for liming any other thing over fishes.
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
Parents in India force stuff on their kids based on following measures :
Parenting in india is nothing different than old world social ranks and heirarchies. Once a married Couple becomes parents by having kids, ‘Their only area to exercise control , handle and monitor’ are their kids, otherwise these parents i.e. married couples that have become parents are themselves living under social policing and control and constant manipulation by other family members that are culturally high ranking and even under pressure of non blood related societal people who may police them to act in a herd manner, other members of family like the married couple’s both sides parents, in laws, sisters, brothers, uncles and aunt, cousin and their spouse, friends circles and their spouses, associates and their spouse, and other elements of society like even neighbors acts as ‘The couple’s controllers, ringmasters or social police who make sure that couple behaves according to social cultural traditions and heirarchies by ‘Control’ and emotional manipulation techniques that can cause ‘Fear training and inferiority complex’ in the couple too, that the couple i.e. parents try to ‘Please or feed egoes’ of these other family members and such elements of society around them constantly trying ‘Seek their validation and attention and hence ensure fake feeling of inclusion within community’ through ‘Doing copycat things i.e. same things what other people in their society does to be on page with ongoing social culture and tremds’, why? —to ‘Remain a Part of society and not feel abandoned or slut shamed from sense of community’ , so parents are mentally conditioned that SUCCESS equals ‘Saving face from getting slut shamed by people around them’ how to save from getting shamed by other family members and also public around them ???? — -”By blindly following societal traditions and unknown rigid ‘Family heirarchy rules and making everyone around you follow it and be like a herd, that is be ‘Similar’ and not stamd out different ”. To achieve this ‘Being like a herd and be on safe side’, parents here ‘Design’ or ‘Mould’ or ‘superimpose”their children only in a ‘Socially validated , socially similar and socially trendy manner’, i.e. they want to make sure the child shows only those signs , attributes and behaviour and have only those hobbies, qualities, movements, actions, styles and ways of living, habits, manners, talents or dreams and fate that the other people share in society, or other people do not ‘Gossip or badmouth about’, and other people are ‘seemingly Okay’ with. How would the parents make sure child only develops those hobbies, likes, dislikes, behaviour that is ‘Societal trend, people pleasing or common in herd’ , because every child or baby if freely allowed to develop, observe and build opinions on own or learn on their own would develop ‘Any set of hobbies, dreams, choices, lifestyels and future maps’ according their own potentials and understanding of world that may or may not match with ongoing societal expectations, making the child and its parent ‘Stand out’ different from others amd not common like herd, and make tyem ‘VULNERABLE’ to get a ‘Slut shamdd, badmouthed, blamed and excluded from ‘Fake love, inclusive feeling and community sense’ of people around them’. So, to ‘Avoid’ this ‘Failure’, i.e. ‘Avoid getting gazes and stares from people, getting slut shamed, etc.’ Therefore, These parents are in constant fear , feelings of incompleteness and worry or inferiority complex that none of even smallest spontaneous action of child should differ from societal expectations and attract ‘ Teasing, abandonment, Bad name calling, or shame and dishonor’ to them from those around them, so they NEVER ‘LET tge natural, spontaneous , genuine process or flow of child learning from parents and surroundings to observe and generate own set of opinions or develop own potentials and talents and have own outlook on their life’ happen spontaneously, INSTEAD, they ‘themselves , artuficially and MANUALLY’ instill and inculcate or ‘PLANT’ only those opinions, outlooks and visions, dreams, hobbies, way of thinking , manners, habbits, and condition or sometimes even coerce their child to do only those stuff, or see world in only that particular dimensions which the parents delusionally feel would be ‘Not questioned, judged and slut shamed by people around them’ i.e. no social failure or imperfection occured, and make their child be on ‘Goodwill and submissive with society around and make them be inclusive in society’ , i..e ensure their ‘Safety, success and honor within a community sense’.
A habitual social culture : Old established beliefs and habits based on following factors
Forced to pierce nose and ears, pressured to veil face, pressured to get body parts tattoed, pressure to buy a new chic ‘Society-approved Traditional and or ethnic attire each month for different festivals filling whole wardrobe with thousands of unnecessary tradtional wears and nearly least quantity of simple practical casual dresses like pant or tshirt in case of women , when women may eclven hate wearing difficult traditional drapes everytime’ , pressure on,every dressing or body expression of women eg. Even their style of nighty or lingerie can be monitored by ‘Socially patrilocal cultural trends’, force to only get married vai registering self in marriage bureaus, force to avoid certain food in pregnamcy just becaus eof some ritual, not playing in schoold sports when on periods even if you are okay with it cos of impurity notions, force to a guy to ask for dowry, force to him to pay brideprice etc.
Mythh Of Equal Treatment to son and daughter : They mean sending both boy and girl to school, and or sending both to office or bank to earn. Why ? Because only these two aspects school education and livelihood were ‘Popularised’ as empwoerment of daughters.,and are now a ‘Society approved trend’. Along with these sending both to school or office, they allow boy to socialise and have friends or plan trips or choose routes to a destination himslef, they police or bully a girl to not socialise or be extrovert , never arrange trips for friends or family on her own, never learn social skills like understanding maps, routes booking cabs, herself. They may feed more food to son and care about his unfulfilled hunger, they may not feed daughter enough and its okay to feed her less or she be tolerating hunger , they may expect son to wear more practical clothes and feel disturbed and unsatisfied when daughter wear practical clothes like tshirt pants jeans with pockets over long, heavily decorated or entwined, unpractical embroidered ‘Symbolic’ clothing like punjabi tunic , long loose kurtas, or saree, they may overcare about son’s health, and hesitate to spend for daughter’s growth or medications and treatment for anything especially overall until it is for ‘Reproduction or marriage’ eg. Taking her to any random gynac or doctor not chosen by her even, to have her fertility testing done or for irregular periods therapy only just before marriage or after a few months after honeymoon to check if her womb is in good form to be able to bear kid . As tgere is no ‘Popular social trend regarding these treatments’ , they don’t even think they are discriminating but they think they are giving ‘Specific treatment’ according to ‘Biological and social norms’. So tgese show Infian parents do ‘Force stuff’ that are fake social gender constructs on son and daughter separately according to their cultiral norms.
Religion or culture based :
E. Habit of control : Due to normalused culture of control, people become habitual to think controlling each other is righteous way to live, eg. Controlling what movies their child watch, what songs they hear, what music they prefer, what skills they learn, which company they apply for job, what career they do, what clothes they wear, what nightdress they wear, what food they eat, what friends you keep, whom you meet, whom you inetract and talk with, what do yiu do in a day, what yiu like vs dislike, how you look, how you cough sneeze or burp or fart,to the brand of shaving cream, sanitary pads or boot polish, they try to control everything regarding you
D. Gender , religion and caste based forces : Daughters being pressurised to act shy, submissive , soft spoken, and monitored over or even not allowed to do following things- socialise, go trekking, plan picnic or invite friends on a meal herself, go on trips with friends,have friends, click photos or selfies, have male friends or even interact and phone talk with with male official colleagues , be extroverted and happy go lucky, have sense of humor and joke around, laugh , have social media account, go in other state for job, or befreind people at workplace, come as a woman in front of postman or delivery boy tk receive parcel or pay, not allowed yl share her phone call number on necessary sites like digital wallet or hotel or food delivery app or marriage bureau even instead let her brother or dad contact on her behalf, roam arounf town freely, interact with general colleagues like going to a tea session after long day work, talking on phone with friends, suddenly needing to go somewhere urgent like going with a friend to take her pet at vet hospital, dressing up nicely, etc. Due to age old beliefs of limiting a woman’s access to outside spheres and limiting her vyavhar gyaan or confidence , to avoid shame like abuse or to avoid shame of love marriages, etc. Tgis was example of gender based.
They lack as ‘such definition or a word called Parenting in first place.’ ‘They call it ‘Parent Shaping and moulding the child or child’s life’,this phrase which itself symbolise and show that ‘The relationship between parent is perceived as one sided, with ranks , i.e. one side considered high ranking and other lower, and that only one side is seen a ‘Participant or doer of this process’, while other is just an ‘Object or the one who is not a Participant, who is not considered actively, but is an ‘Entity’ on which doer’s can act on, while that enity is not asked at all. That is other side is just the ‘Receiving end, receiving effects of actual doer or deliverer, a type of skewed relationship based on power dynamics. The actual doer or superior one has to do the ‘Work’, while object has to ‘Exist’ and ‘the doer’s work Affects object, that’s all, no autonomy or living factor of object is considered. Like a Potter shapes and moulds a pot, a potter ‘CANNOT’ negotiate with the pot, or ask the pot which shape it wants to take and mould it according to pot’s choice, since pot is a non-living object. But you see, a pot is not an effector, a doer or not anything that is seen worthy of being able to do something, it is not a particiapnt, the ‘PROTAGONIST’ is solely the Potter and pot is just there for POTTER to work upon. No importance or respect for pot, as it us seen an object, an effect bearer or at mercy of potter.InInfian culture, child is like that non-moving, motionless, lifeless amd brainless pot , just an experimental object, on which a potter that is parent can do experiment on , however they want, they can mould , and shape the pot way they (potters)want, that is potter is at ‘Doing end’ and an effector, and pot or child just exists to bear and treated like an indicator of potter’s ability or work job or otherwise who will potter do ‘Its will or experiments or actions upon and show to world’. It is skewed and one sided, whereas term ‘Parenting’ was coined to teach parents how to build a Trust relationship with child and upbring them wuth ‘ a pattern where both lartues are active participants to effectively communicate, both sharing opinions, both respecting each other’s spaces, and parents just teaching child how to face world while also encouraging child to decide whoch shape it wants to acquire i.e. what lifestyle or dreams they wish to have. That is ‘Child’ is not seen as an indicator or object to bear parent’s delivery of actions but instead both child and parents are seen as equal humans, tied with love and not with superiority or inferiority bias and both work on each other strengths and weaknesses , parents are seen a companuons not owners or gods or potter to mould freely as thry want it to and child is seen as a friend not a chattel or pot or asset.
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Faliure (Also taken as a ‘Shame or dishonor’) - Being ‘Different or unacceptable or ugly or uncommon’ and then Getting slut shamed, name called,and judged or disliked by people around. For instance, (A rare ‘Allowed’ person with ‘Different or cool parents’ graduates from a fashion design college in france, and does fashion design plus gets employed at Zara with huge salary package - Would be seen as . ‘FAILURE’ or dirty career with most parents avoiding arranging their son or daughter’s marriage with him, or if she/he has a secret bf or gf or lover, even her parents would not let her marry him, to avoid ‘Dishonor’.)
Sucess (Also termed as ‘Honour’) = Being ‘Validated, accepted attended and included within society’ i.e. Pleasing society by following the people around blindly to be in their favor and fake love or group sense love bombs from their community. EG. Becoming an Engineer, because it is what surrounding folks find a status-like career option, no matter the rising risk of facing an unemployment in sectors. (Vs. Normal person would think of becoming something that yields them a good salary, job satisfaction, growth and progress and innovation via “interest or desires in that field”, and alao with ‘Sure-Shot EMPLOYMENT ), but even if Indians read practicality of decline in job quality in engg sector via news media and thru people around, they would still force kid to do same degree course sjnce the herd around is doing the same.
B. Fear of standing out unique : Mostly sons pay hospital bills for parent’s old age illnesses, if they have only one daughter and she decides to pay for them, they feel guilt and not grateful, because they fear of what will traditional ppl around them slut shame them for letting their daughter i.e. ‘Another marital household’s property’ still care for them in old ages. Fear of standing out includes feeling ahsamed of sending son to badminton class when almost everyone sending son to cricket, feeling ashamed of daughter who knows how to cook continental dishes in a community where most daughters are conditioned to cook only traditional meals, emotionally harassing a grown ass son or daughter if they find they have a lover because traditional society sees love as lust and sinful and threat to arranged and controlled marriages n pure bloodlines. It can be more harsh on girls, eg. Mothers infantizing girls and forcing them to do every small thing their way, crushing innovation, -” Why can’t you sweep my way, why are you using tissues to pick up sharp broken vase pieces, pick it directly with hands as women should take up pain , we women are used to this, what will your Future MIL say that i didn’t make you into noble lady?, “What fuck, why are you making different shapes out of roti, your future MIL and husband would blane me for ur actions’, “ Why are you kneeling or sitting down on knees while serving curry in guest’s bowls, this is wrong way, you should just stand still in lady like narrow pose and bend at your waist then lower the pot of curry by just bending at waist and pour thru spatula, otherwise your father in law would jokingly suggest another match to ur husband !”, “Omg , how dare you wear sleeveless whule visiting aunt’s house, she will say that I did not teach you how not to seem like a whore !,,’ OMG why you use big checkered handkerchiefs like men, use tiny tiny aesthetic , pastel toned and ‘Flowery ladies Rumal’, and why are you making loud sound while sneezing so loudly by shaking your ugly flat big nostrils ?, girls don’t at all or sneeze very softly to not annoy ppl around especially men like future wives who sneeze so gently as if they didn’t sneeze even !, “ shameless girl is tgis the way you should read a Clock, how many times I taught you how ideal person reads a clock ? , ‘ Idiot girl don’t you know how ideal girls eat, walk, smile, cry, stand , sit, sleep, poop, pee, exist,’ etc.